The Kindergoth Escapades

Okay....10 days....22 hours....15 minutes....but who's counting? This was a season. An Experience. Something I don't particularly wanna ever do again. Apparently cats are way smarter than dogs. I will never take my babies and their calmness for granted again. First, it cost me $50 just to get him, but I really wanted him for some reason idk. I guess he reminded me of Harvey, and I needed a little excitement in my life. Who knows. Anyway, we named him "Tank." I wish I had been making notes of our "season" but I didn't decide I wanted to do this until like...today at work. So. He has now found a loving home with one of our firefighters who has a nice big pen for him to play in.  During that 10 days....Tank ate:  1 Leash - replaced for $8 1 nice harness that had to be replaced with a $7 collar that matched the new leash 1 tennis ball (value....50 cents) 1 pair of $14 work pants that I was the saltiest about. I didn't realize they had a giant hole in the...

  Seriously. Like have you seen my...will to live?! JK I'm okay, but some days are worse than others. Today is one of those. I'm also struggling to adapt my phalanges to a new keyboard layout and it's giving me hand cramps. First world problems, I'm aware. I so thought today was gonna be a good day. I mean “good” is such a low bar when you're going to work on less than 5 hours of sleep. My current favorite song came on the radio not once but TWICE during my 30+ min commute (2 different stations) I started the day with a cherry vanilla coke (zero) and a minit mart pizza roll that I would later regret, but it was delicious. While prepping to open, Carry on Wayward Son started to play and I ran to the back to turn the music louder. Yes! Today was gonna be a good day. Inventory was on the low side but prep went by super easy and business was slow for several hours. I enjoyed my break and my free* coffee from Panera that was not nearly sweet enough. Then I don...

 I'm not just going to lie down and take it. Did you do this to all the other women that have stood where I stand? God forbid they weren't size 2, but I guess your mirror must be broken. Your trips to the gym are certainly paying off.... how many pages were in that last list of medication? How can someone who worked in healthcare be so fucking discriminatory.  Listen, Karen. One thing about me, I'm a big kid. I can take what you dish out and bring it back ten-fold. You haven't seen it yet, out of respect but my patience is paper fucking thin. One more Sunday dinner or holiday that you bring up diets, food, weight, etc. I'm done. I will not be back.  I'm not meek or dull. I've been fighting battles way out of my league since before junior high. I grew up fighting, mostly an abusive father, and all I want is peace. You're ruining my peace. I'm ot going anywhere. I don't know if your intention is to drive me away, but it's not going to fucking w...

 SNAP! There it is! Oh, I've been waiting. I always wait for the other shoe to drop, just like my mother did. Things have been so well.  It's definitely PMS because it is sure as fuck isn't pregnancy mood swings I'll tell you that. Oh boy. When you're good you're great but when you're not, I want to crawl into a hole. You'd never lay a hand on me but the deep shrinking feeling in my chest hurts worse than a fist ever could. You jokingly hide your face like I'd raise my fists in anger.  I could never hit you. I mean, maybe... He asks me if I'm talking about him and I chuckle. I'm frantically tapping the keys as these thoughts flow from my fingertips.  My head is aching, but venting feels good. It feels good to use this useless blog as therapy. He appears from the kitchen with snacks... and.... [scene] I love him, I really do. More than I ever have anyone. We will take on the world together and be each other's sounding boards at home. I...

TW: Death, dying, PTSD, Blood  Blogging has to be cheaper than therapy, right? I used to think PTSD was something only possible for veterans.  I thought the use of the phrase was mockery otherwise.   I don't want to bother people, so I keep to myself. My partner and I are both in the fire service. We both have calls we cannot talk about.  Some we experienced together and are able to use each other as a sounding board, and it hurts a little less.  I am less bothered by the presence of a lifeless body than I am by the screaming of their wives..or mothers..when they arrive.  Our most recent fatal crash happened on the night before mother's day. Alcohol and motorcycles do not mix, and for the love of all. Wear a helmet. Her screams played over and over in my head for days. When I closed my eyes, I saw him lying there, covered in a stained white sheet--but not completely. He was tall. His feet stuck out, I stared at them.   Blood pooled on the pav...

  Do you remember the first time you said it was time? You jumped in head first thinking that in 9 months time you would be welcoming a baby. Your dumb ass probably even circled that date on the calendar. You changed all of your fertility apps and tracked your symptoms religously, unsure of who you were trying to convince more.  You stopped smoking, just in case. You were so hopeful. That two week wait came and went and you waited for two more..Again, just in case. Nothing.  That was the first time you tried.  Then months came and went with nothing. Tests got expensive. Calendars got marked with red X's. Over and over and over again. It wasn't fun anymroe, it was a chore.  By then, you've deleted the pinned Baby Names note from your Google Keep, just so you didn't have to be reminded every time you made a grocery list.   Time goes on and it should probably be the furthest thing from your mind at this point, but it isn't. Even with the state of the worl...

 “I’m robbing Peter to pay Paul,” Mother always said. Always frustrated. Everyone thinks they’re going to do better than their parents until the rubber meets the road.  Now there’s too much month at the end of the money, and I’m not even keeping up with the Joneses.  I thought I was going to be famous . I thought EVERYTHING was going to be my ticket out of that small town I spent my first 23 years in. I spent hundreds of dollars on materials. My way of thinking was if a craft wasn’t made to sell, there was no point in the hobby.  Good old capitalism. Everything has always been about money. I was barefoot in my grandma’s front yard one day, wearing nothing but a diaper. I was CERTAIN I could sell my new “invention” …. Spoiler Alert: that “invention” was nothing more than Grandma’s yarn scraps wound around twigs from her yard.  All the while, I was knee-high to a grasshopper.  The drive never really went away. I mean, I was lazy—don’t get me wrong. I didn’t w...

July 20th, 2020 marked the 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY of BVB's Debut album, We Stitch These Wounds.  Yes, I still have it.  I have every BVB album, with the exception of RE-STITCH THESE WOUNDS. Now, we all see that Andy's appearance has been steadily changing over the years -- especially since his solo debut.  I fee like once he got sober he just kind of transformed and looks both all grown up, while slightly looking like he belongs in a boy pop band. Another change is the obvious absence of bassist Ashley Purdy, who has since been replaced by Lonny Eagleton -- and I still don't know how I feel about that. I'm currently listening to Lonny play through Knives and Pens.  I hate to say it, but I'm impressed.  I still greatly miss Ashley Purdy, though. BVB is also set to play a LIVE show streamed via the interwebs due to all this COVID bs, so that should be interesting.  Happening TONIGHT 4PM CST (2PM PDT) At the Whiskey a Go Go in Hollywood, California. ...

So, I haven't posted in over a year.  Hi, how are ya?! What sparked my interest in return was I just applied for teenage-me's dream job.  Hot Topic.  Makes me want to get some Arctic Fox and dye my hair. That's another thing. For the past month, my hair has been BLEACH BLONDE.  Never in a million years did I think I'd go publicly blonde AND enjoy it.  But, I love it. No concerts in the past year, now due to COVID -- our June concert was pushed to May 2021. The last post of mine, we were house hunting. WELL, we've been in our adorable little starter home for about a year and a half now.  with three little (fur) children -- Jax (7) who has been posted here before.  We also have Tuesday & Kiko who are a little over a year old. I've actually been writing a lot since my mom passed, I don't know why I haven't thought to update the blog, but now that I have those things written, I'll probably post-date them here. 

A year ago, we started Kindergoth Escapades with no real direction.  Stories on a a page.  Well, if all we are is stories in the end....let's make it a good one, ey. So very much has happened in the past year. I met someone who completely changed my life. I fell in love when I wasn't looking for it...or even thought it was possible anymore.   I lost my Mom...and my grandfather, exactly six weeks apart.  So, Summer didn't really go as planned.  As I fell, and continue to fall for this man, I feel like I'm pushing my family away, and they're hating me.. We're house hunting...which is awesome, and stressful, but exciting--and another reason for my family to be less than thrilled with me, but hey.

My mother and grandfather, c. Memorial Day 2016 It's so easy to talk about death...until it hits you too close to home.  As a member of the order of the good death, I advocate for green burials.  I've written a plan for my own inevitable death, and tried to talk to others about more eco-friendly options. But, then it hits too close to home.  My mother was familiar with the death positive movement.  After her cancer diagnosis in late 2016, I introduced her to Caitlyn Doughty, the founder of the Death Positive movement. We would watch her series "Ask A Mortician" weekly, which finally did open some dialogue about death.   Still, at the time of her death, a short 21 months after her diagnosis, I was too numb to be an advocate.  I sat at her bedside and held her hand as tears poured down my face.  I didn't step foot into the funeral home until it was necessary.  It was all a blur, and then on Sunday it was over and we went home to the em...

She isn't long for this world, my Dear Mother.  I never thought things would move this fast.  Three weeks ago we were told 9 months to a year.  She stopped eating, drinking, moving.  She was taken to the hospital on...oh I don't know my days run together so bad.  Monday. It was a Monday. Here, I edit this post nearly 4 years later and I can recount them in horrid detail.  I was up for 23 hours straight after getting off work the other morning. I sat at the hospital for about 5 hours and she never moved anything more than her arms, couldn't really open her eyes.  I'm not sure how much of that was the ativan and morphine though. She couldn't speak but with few breaths cried for her mother, something I wish I could have done in the moment. The family came from near and far. I wasn't ready. My sister stayed the night. I will forever regret her making that decision. She was with her in her final moments. It has haunted her this whole time. I don't know if...

Annyeonghasaeyo! It was a very long first night back to work last night, but I have a few things to discuss.  First of all, the humans person that I've mentioned off and on for the last few months....is now my boyfriend, which is still very weird to say. It's been a very long time since I've been feeling like a giddy teenager, though he is in his thirties, and I am well on my way -- as my Dad puts it... Anyway, that's not the point of today's post.  I mentioned last week that I was starting to do paid readings.  Today, I am starting up Kindergoth Tarot on a couple of platforms--Blogger might be one of them, I'm not sure.  I'm finding it difficult to have regular content.  So, that's where I'm going to leave this today.  I'm currently waiting on an Amazon delivery of my 3rd tarot deck: The Linestrider, as well as a Color-Your-Own Tarot book. Thanks for tuning in, dolls!

So, May came and went SO very fast!  I read Jenna Morecci's "The Savior's Champion."  I traveled to a few different states--snapshots of which I will post below. First of all, Savannah, GA has some of the most beautiful views and buildings.  Somewhere around this text: one of the 22(?) town squares, the cathedral of St. John the baptist, and The Owens-Thomas house..supposedly, the most photographed house in the country. Before Savannah, we spent a week in St. Augustine, which still feels like I'm planning for it.  Where on Earth did the week go? Today, I am spending some time with my tarot cards.  In the coming weeks, I will be making them a bigger part of my daily life and beginning to do paid readings. So, please keep an eye out for that. Before leaving for vacation, like I said, I finished TSC...and it was THE BEST book that I have read in a very long time, and I'm considering reading it again very shortly.

Gonna start off by saying its been another one of those weeks.  It was going really well, and then it turned REALLY bad. I had like a 12 hour depression nap and it was just sad for like 3 days. Nevertheless, Good Morning Kindergothlings, I have a super special post for you today. Here’s a collab of sorts with the one and only Jenna Morecci! I first discovered Jenna's, and her Youtube channel, back in 2016.  I was working on my first novel, Destined Threads -- Shortly after the release of hers: Eve the Awakening. About a month ago, I received a signed copy of Eve the Awakening from the Cyborg Queen, and that was awesome! I wish that I could find more time to read it but, LIFE happens. I mentioned the TSC Blitz sometime last week and heeere it COMES TO SAVE  THE DAY! Without further ado, THE SAVIOR’S CHAMPION! As I mentioned above, The Savior’s Champion (AKA TSC) is the latest novel from Author/Youtuber/Cyborg Queen: Jenna Morecci.   TSC ...

Good morning, Kindergothlings.  It has been a WEEK. Just, a bit of a rough one.  I just sumbitted my application for Jenna Morecci’s TSC Release Blitz.  And, I know that most of you don’t have a clue what that is, but you will soon--and I can’t wait to share that with you. Second of all, my brain has been going crazy BUT--that's a story for another time, I promise. Today, I'm shining the spotlight on what's probably going to become my new favorite music here shortly. I've been keeping it on repeat. The Dreamer Within is a metalcore band that launched in Exeter, UK in the Summer of 2014.  I came across the 5 member group on Instagram, when I was followed by their account @the_dreamer_within a while back.  This...is my kind of music. Unholy crap does it leave you feeling fucked up and pumped up. Their latest track is the Star Wars inspired "Conflicted."  The Official MV came out just before Christmas 2017 and...was cool as fuck tbh. ...

GOOD MORNING guys and dolls!  FUCK! It feels like it has been forever since I’ve been back here, honestly. Once again, I apologize. A TON of things have changed since I’ve posted last, and I may do an update post just for that.  BUT, that’s not why we’re here today. We are back to music, and I’ve got some big things coming in the next few weeks. The first of which is a look at...   Thirty Flightless Killers, f ormerly known as Black Ring Dreams, is and alternative music endeavor out of the one and only NYC. So, when I finally got a break from Modyrn Vamp, work and….life, I sat down with my caramel macchiato and listened to some of their tracks. I was followed on Insta by vocalist, Christian Hartt, and started pulling up info on the band. Once I did, I noticed that the band's pages was boasting over 11K Twitter & Instagram followers, as well as being followed by both Social Repose and Chris Biersack! I loved their sound, and I was sitting there ...

Good morning, Kindergothlings.  It has been a week from hell, pretty much.  And not the fun hell where there's friends.  The hell where you find the single patch of ice between work and home and end up in a ditch...and then the neighbors yard...and mailbox....it was a Monday. So, yeah.  Echo's went to the garage today.  All I can say is thank goodness for Progressive...Something told me this was going to happen though.  I literally switched my Insurance days before it happened.  And that morning, I bought 2 pints of ice cream in case I had a bad day.. One more photo has to be submitted to Progressive to get the ball rolling on my estimate and then repairs...The bumper, which is no longer attached and is now in the back of my Dad's truck. Just goes to show that psychic doesn't mean seeing the exact future, that's for damn sure.  But, I did see enough to save me $1500, and that's good enough for me.  There are going to be more posts co...

Well, here it is folks--a farewell to Warped Tour, a statement I was hoping I wouldn't have to make for at least a few more years.  Now, while I'd love to be front and center here, I just don't think it's going to happen---but I'll get to that in a bit.   First things first, it looks like MCR is going to dissappoint us again, MCRX Style...the past couple months the web has been buzzing with rumors of an MCR reunion for this FINAL full-country run of WT.  But, no--at least not yet... But, probably not ever.  When the band list was released a few days ago, I was still blown away.  Here's a couple that caught my eye: 3OH!3 - Man, I have listened to them in a Minute!  Back when Fuse and MTV actually played music! Asking Alexandria - Just got through seeing them live. Even without Ben Bruce, it was a great show--I'd love to see them play again. Falling in Reverse - Another I'd love to see again! MOTIONLESS IN WHITE-   Dayums!  Palay...

Goodmorning, kindergothlings.  Hope all is well.  Currently, I’m dealing with a terrible headache!  And, following last night’s storm, the power keeps going on and off! Great!  Which means no wifi, and the house gets creepily quiet.   As I mentioned in my last post which, I believe, was my Resurrection Tour Review, I’ve started writing a vampire novel.  The working title is “Modyrn Vamp” and essentially it is a family of vampires that grow tired of immortality and enter into a suicide pact with one another. Now, normally I don’t post on Sundays--nothing religious or anything, I had just wanted to stick to some sort of schedule, but figured I’d missed enough posts in the past few weeks that routine kind of went out the window. So, I just wanted to check in to say that TKE wasn’t blown away by the tornadoes.  There were, however, two deaths reported in a nearby county at the start of the storm.  This caused me to call out from work because ...