Venting

 SNAP! There it is! Oh, I've been waiting. I always wait for the other shoe to drop, just like my mother did. Things have been so well.  It's definitely PMS because it is sure as fuck isn't pregnancy mood swings I'll tell you that. Oh boy. When you're good you're great but when you're not, I want to crawl into a hole. You'd never lay a hand on me but the deep shrinking feeling in my chest hurts worse than a fist ever could. You jokingly hide your face like I'd raise my fists in anger.  I could never hit you. I mean, maybe...

He asks me if I'm talking about him and I chuckle. I'm frantically tapping the keys as these thoughts flow from my fingertips.  My head is aching, but venting feels good. It feels good to use this useless blog as therapy. He appears from the kitchen with snacks... and.... [scene]

I love him, I really do. More than I ever have anyone. We will take on the world together and be each other's sounding boards at home. I'm crazy. I know it, he knows it, y'all definitely know it.  

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I know it's a jump, a ramble coming from my brain but when it's there, it's there and I have to write it before it flees into the void. Oh my, I haven't written like this in ages. I see her in pictures, but it isn't really her. It doesn't feel like it. It feels artificial. She looks much older in pictures than my heart feels she should be. I've lost so much already I'm not ready to let her go. She is the glue. like her daughter was to us. Raised right, despite her challenges, our challenges. She has shared so much and yet there are secrets I won't rightly know until long after she is gone. Or not so long, like before.