Selfishly Hopeful

 

Do you remember the first time you said it was time? You jumped in head first thinking that in 9 months time you would be welcoming a baby. Your dumb ass probably even circled that date on the calendar. You changed all of your fertility apps and tracked your symptoms religously, unsure of who you were trying to convince more.  You stopped smoking, just in case. You were so hopeful. That two week wait came and went and you waited for two more..Again, just in case. Nothing. 

That was the first time you tried.  Then months came and went with nothing. Tests got expensive. Calendars got marked with red X's. Over and over and over again. It wasn't fun anymroe, it was a chore.  By then, you've deleted the pinned Baby Names note from your Google Keep, just so you didn't have to be reminded every time you made a grocery list.  

Time goes on and it should probably be the furthest thing from your mind at this point, but it isn't. Even with the state of the world, you're selfishly hopeful.