The Kindergoth Escapades

 SNAP! There it is! Oh, I've been waiting. I always wait for the other shoe to drop, just like my mother did. Things have been so well.  It's definitely PMS because it is sure as fuck isn't pregnancy mood swings I'll tell you that. Oh boy. When you're good you're great but when you're not, I want to crawl into a hole. You'd never lay a hand on me but the deep shrinking feeling in my chest hurts worse than a fist ever could. You jokingly hide your face like I'd raise my fists in anger.  I could never hit you. I mean, maybe... He asks me if I'm talking about him and I chuckle. I'm frantically tapping the keys as these thoughts flow from my fingertips.  My head is aching, but venting feels good. It feels good to use this useless blog as therapy. He appears from the kitchen with snacks... and.... [scene] I love him, I really do. More than I ever have anyone. We will take on the world together and be each other's sounding boards at home. I...

TW: Death, dying, PTSD, Blood  Blogging has to be cheaper than therapy, right? I used to think PTSD was something only possible for veterans.  I thought the use of the phrase was mockery otherwise.   I don't want to bother people, so I keep to myself. My partner and I are both in the fire service. We both have calls we cannot talk about.  Some we experienced together and are able to use each other as a sounding board, and it hurts a little less.  I am less bothered by the presence of a lifeless body than I am by the screaming of their wives..or mothers..when they arrive.  Our most recent fatal crash happened on the night before mother's day. Alcohol and motorcycles do not mix, and for the love of all. Wear a helmet. Her screams played over and over in my head for days. When I closed my eyes, I saw him lying there, covered in a stained white sheet--but not completely. He was tall. His feet stuck out, I stared at them.   Blood pooled on the pav...

  Do you remember the first time you said it was time? You jumped in head first thinking that in 9 months time you would be welcoming a baby. Your dumb ass probably even circled that date on the calendar. You changed all of your fertility apps and tracked your symptoms religously, unsure of who you were trying to convince more.  You stopped smoking, just in case. You were so hopeful. That two week wait came and went and you waited for two more..Again, just in case. Nothing.  That was the first time you tried.  Then months came and went with nothing. Tests got expensive. Calendars got marked with red X's. Over and over and over again. It wasn't fun anymroe, it was a chore.  By then, you've deleted the pinned Baby Names note from your Google Keep, just so you didn't have to be reminded every time you made a grocery list.   Time goes on and it should probably be the furthest thing from your mind at this point, but it isn't. Even with the state of the worl...

 “I’m robbing Peter to pay Paul,” Mother always said. Always frustrated. Everyone thinks they’re going to do better than their parents until the rubber meets the road.  Now there’s too much month at the end of the money, and I’m not even keeping up with the Joneses.  I thought I was going to be famous . I thought EVERYTHING was going to be my ticket out of that small town I spent my first 23 years in. I spent hundreds of dollars on materials. My way of thinking was if a craft wasn’t made to sell, there was no point in the hobby.  Good old capitalism. Everything has always been about money. I was barefoot in my grandma’s front yard one day, wearing nothing but a diaper. I was CERTAIN I could sell my new “invention” …. Spoiler Alert: that “invention” was nothing more than Grandma’s yarn scraps wound around twigs from her yard.  All the while, I was knee-high to a grasshopper.  The drive never really went away. I mean, I was lazy—don’t get me wrong. I didn’t w...

July 20th, 2020 marked the 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY of BVB's Debut album, We Stitch These Wounds.  Yes, I still have it.  I have every BVB album, with the exception of RE-STITCH THESE WOUNDS. Now, we all see that Andy's appearance has been steadily changing over the years -- especially since his solo debut.  I fee like once he got sober he just kind of transformed and looks both all grown up, while slightly looking like he belongs in a boy pop band. Another change is the obvious absence of bassist Ashley Purdy, who has since been replaced by Lonny Eagleton -- and I still don't know how I feel about that. I'm currently listening to Lonny play through Knives and Pens.  I hate to say it, but I'm impressed.  I still greatly miss Ashley Purdy, though. BVB is also set to play a LIVE show streamed via the interwebs due to all this COVID bs, so that should be interesting.  Happening TONIGHT 4PM CST (2PM PDT) At the Whiskey a Go Go in Hollywood, California. ...

So, I haven't posted in over a year.  Hi, how are ya?! What sparked my interest in return was I just applied for teenage-me's dream job.  Hot Topic.  Makes me want to get some Arctic Fox and dye my hair. That's another thing. For the past month, my hair has been BLEACH BLONDE.  Never in a million years did I think I'd go publicly blonde AND enjoy it.  But, I love it. No concerts in the past year, now due to COVID -- our June concert was pushed to May 2021. The last post of mine, we were house hunting. WELL, we've been in our adorable little starter home for about a year and a half now.  with three little (fur) children -- Jax (7) who has been posted here before.  We also have Tuesday & Kiko who are a little over a year old. I've actually been writing a lot since my mom passed, I don't know why I haven't thought to update the blog, but now that I have those things written, I'll probably post-date them here. 

A year ago, we started Kindergoth Escapades with no real direction.  Stories on a a page.  Well, if all we are is stories in the end....let's make it a good one, ey. So very much has happened in the past year. I met someone who completely changed my life. I fell in love when I wasn't looking for it...or even thought it was possible anymore.   I lost my Mom...and my grandfather, exactly six weeks apart.  So, Summer didn't really go as planned.  As I fell, and continue to fall for this man, I feel like I'm pushing my family away, and they're hating me.. We're house hunting...which is awesome, and stressful, but exciting--and another reason for my family to be less than thrilled with me, but hey.